To know yourself and be who you are may sound slightly cliche. Some of us probably think we are very obviously ourselves already. Who else would we be? Others will be well aware that they struggle to be themselves. The outer influences on all of us are persistant and strong, shaping us in all sorts of ways that can be hard to recognize and even harder to alter.
If you look back over your life thus far, how many roles have you played? If you're anything like me, you've been very different people at different times in your life. So which ones were you and which ones weren't?
It may not be easy to answer that question. Society has many ideas to share on who we should be, and what makes a successful person. Our families also have their ideas and so do our peers. It may not be so simple to sort out these influences and decide who we were born to be when there have always, from the moment of birth, been forces that mean to weed out parts of us and strengthen others.
We women might like to think of ourselves as nurturing, for example. But women in our society are expected to be nurturing and to care for those around us. It would be seen as selfishness not to be nurturing, which would make it difficult to admit that maybe that just isn't you. But does it really make sense that every single women is a born Nurturer?
Similarly, we introverts are often expected to be outgoing, bold, assertive socialites, even though that is the furthest thing from our true nature. Shyness is seen as a detriment, something to get over and quash, as though you could just pick and chose something so ingrained in your personality. In a myriad of ways, we are all told to conform to society's ideal and so we begin to suppress parts of ourselves and try to play roles for which we are ill-suited. The result is not only a lot of undue stress, but internal rebellion.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
So how do you sort out the roles you play from the authentic self? The truth often resides in the body. How do you feel when you are called upon to nurture others or to meet new people or whatever else you may feel you should do? Does it come naturally? Do you feel invigorated by it? Or do you feel drained and sucked dry? Do you get physical symptoms if you have to do certain things or behave in a certain way? The mind can make up all sorts of stories and justifications, but the body never lies.
Our self-perceptions can get muddled because we subconsciously want to fit in, to be accepted and meet expectations. Or at least, we don't want to be actively judged or rejected or ridiculed. But if we're honest, many of us know we've done all sorts of things we were not well-suited for because there was some societal imperative at work, or to please others. Often this sort of thing leads to stress and burnout. It's crucial to recognize when you're doing something that you want to do and are skilled at versus when you're conforming to expectations.
If you want to be happy and at peace with yourself, you must take the messages of those around you with a grain of salt because they may well be under the societal spell. Check in with yourself and follow your own inner leading. The consequences of not doing so can result in a myriad of regrets, like an unfulfilling career, bad relationship, wasted money on inappropriate school training, or a host of things left untried. If you don't know who you are, you won't know what you really want and may struggle to find your purpose.
This is why self-exploration is so incredibly important, as is connecting with your body. If you disconnect from how things make you feel, you'll never pick up on the cues your body is sending, the truth it is trying to deliver. This is why practices like yoga can be so beneficial. If you connect with yourself, you'll begin to know what you actually believe. And that is worth knowing. Somewhere in there, you know exactly who you were born to be. Connect with that truth and all becomes clear.